I was going to call it societal psychology but that's already a thing. I wish I had time to research that more.
Basically the idea is to identify what the societal and political versions of a mental illness, personality disorder dynamics, and mental health symptoms are. We need to identify these as the system archetypes that they are.
The second part is to identify what is mentally healthy (ex. baseline level 1) and what is the societal, political version of what is healthy.
Here we go.
For systems thinking. I didn't have time to work on this but I want to go through this video and identify societal versions of these family systems.
Let's name it- fighting conservative propoganda is fighting mental illness.
Many businesses and political spaces suffer from the need for instant gratification, which happpens with executive function disorders.
Businesses try to gain profit in the short term, which causes massive losses and in the long term be. Foc When t Businesses that care about the long term are successful in the long term- other often go bankrupt.
Make these seperate posts:
OCD: liability risk & gun control
Intolerance to risk
People with OCD never take risks. The risks start off as small then snowball into something much scarier once they become, say agoraphobic- the effects on personal life is devestating. On a societal level, this intolerance to risk is devasting on a much grander scale.
Gun Control
-possibility is probability
Businesses often suffer from avoidance such as in OCD when their intolerance to risk via liability fears cause damage to their own organization, their clients, and society.
Qanon- personality disorder traits have more to do with whether they follow it than what their political beliefs are.
Religious fundamentalism is common amoung people with brain damage or lowered cognitive ability.
Diagnostic Manual of Societal Health
(DSM but for society)
I COULD MAKE A MOVIE INSTEAD OF A BOOK. ESPECIALLY FOR EXAMPLES.
Table of Contents
Introduction
No labels
Types of dark personalities.
Attitudes
Traits
Behaviors
All the 12 Step characteristics/patterns of recovery (remember the no public/political)
Boundaries
Boundary Reinforcement
Consent
Reality Model
Roles-based Intention (See Blog Post)
Gratitude
Validation
Humility
Authenticity
Characteristics & patterns of recovery.
WA
SLAA
CODA
Words to replace:
Higher Power
Surrender
Sanity
Recovery (in some context)
For the book:
-Separate these by Sentence/Idea
-Organize these into section topics, mixing and matching.
-Delete duplicates
WA recovery
• We are able to speak with phrases such as: I don't know. I was wrong. I made a mistake. I'm sorry. I can't. I need help. I don't remember. I don't understand. So what? Who cares? Compared to what?
-These would be things we hear in the media more often.
• We are able to say: I hurt. I'm uncomfortable with what you said. I'm afraid. I'm sad. I'm lonely. I feel like goofing off. I feel silly.
-This would go into accountability- people can say these things and are taken seriously, as well as leveling the power dynamics at work- people can say these things and not get fired. This is also the ability to have fun at work- like the hidden brain podcast said, people loose humor once they begin their careers.
• We accept that others need not always be happy. We don't fight their feelings with logic or distraction.
In politics, once the dark triad disorder people are out, politicians would do what the best and healthiest decision for the community is even if community members didn't like it. Ex. climate change.
• We believe that many people can do all or most of what we do - as well as we can, or better.
This goes into people in poverty having the same opportunities as everyone else, including the ability to solve their own political problems through the creation of policy
• We know that others have limits. We don't expect to predict the future or read minds. We know that failures and incomplete projects are part of the learning process. We realize that no matter how fast or efficiently we work, there are only 24 hours in a day.
-econonomics would have less of a focus on unsustainable productivity. Politically, there would be more flexibility to test initiatives- it wouldn't matter if it worked becuase not doing anything at all to address a problem is much worse
• We respect our body instead of fighting it. We realize that feeling ill or tired is part of the human experience. We rely on intuition and inner timing and rhythm.
-paid sick leave. disability benefits are easy to access
• We accept that everyone may not like us.
• We can refuse responsibility or requests. We can say no without feeling guilty. We nurture ourselves and give from our overflow.
• We delay, delegate, and lower performance standards, when needed.
This is flexibility to change systems that aren't working.
• We realize that it is okay to be inconsistent. We find our own mistakes a continuing source of humor.
• While communicating, we notice people's states and respond to them rather than being solely focused on the matter at hand.
This is validating the experiences of different communities and how they have been impacted.
• We value joy over efficiency. We understand the importance of rest and play. We think of work as part but not all of life.
We don't destroy the world for the economy. With UBI, people don't have to work.
• We believe everyone has intrinsic value, whether they work or not.
People who do not work, like people who are homeless, elderly, and disabled, are supported. **Important to note that a significant percentage of homeless people that work.
• We realize we are valued by how we treat others, not by what we own or produce or by how hard we work. We know that people don't care how much we know until they know how much we care.
Oligarchs and others who have lots of power and commit social murder are stopped.
• We realize we can't push growth. We know we can't change, control, or rescue anyone. We have reasonable expectations for ourselves and for others.
People stop trying to "save" and "heal" abusive people and realize they must be held accountable for their actions, as it is their choice whether or not to change after the support they need is available.
• We live in the present without regretting the past or fearing the future.
• We believe that others who are part of a joint venture share responsibility for bad or good outcomes.
• We accept change, the unexpected, and conflict as part of life.
Make systems more reslient and adaptive to change. In the advancement of society, not everyone will be happy.
• We trust our developing relationship with our Higher Power, and we embrace our goodness and serenity.
SLAA recovery (for context, process addictions often feature binging and anorexia.)
A lot of this I would say comes down to legalizing sex work and doing so in a safe way, while simultaneously implementing UBI. Specifically developing education and career opportunties for sex workers who do somatic work, healing from trauma, etc. I know this is a career path I would have been interested in in a different life had it been legal.
This as well as expanding access to mental health services.
1. We seek to develop a daily relationship with a Higher Power, knowing that we are not alone in our efforts to heal ourselves from our addiction.
2. We are willing to be vulnerable because the capacity to trust has been restored to us by our faith in a Higher Power.
-Gender equality is advanced. Sexual assault and trafficking is prevented and prosecuted.
3. We surrender, one day at a time, our whole life strategy of, and our obsession with the pursuit of romantic and sexual intrigue and emotional dependency.
4. We learn to avoid situations that may put us at risk physically, morally, psychologically or spiritually.
5. We learn to accept and love ourselves, to take responsibility for our own lives, and to take care of our own needs before involving ourselves with others.
6. We become willing to ask for help, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and learning to trust and accept others.
7. We allow ourselves to work through the pain of our low self-esteem and our fears of abandonment and responsibility. We learn to feel comfortable in solitude.
8. We begin to accept our imperfections and mistakes as part of being human, healing our shame and perfectionism while working on our character defects.
9. We begin to substitute honesty for self-destructive ways of expressing emotions and feelings.
10. We become honest in expressing who we are, developing true intimacy in our relationships with ourselves and others.
11. We learn to value sex as a by-product of sharing, commitment, trust and cooperation in a partnership.
12. We are restored to sanity, on a daily basis, by participating in the process of recovery.
CODA
I am aware of my feelings and identify them, often in the moment. I know the difference between my thoughts and feelings.
^^^Politically, we need this. People would not have such wild political beliefs.
I embrace my feelings; they are valid and important.
I know the difference between caring and care taking. I recognize that care taking others is often motivated by a need to benefit myself.
^Social services would have less boundary crossings if people did this.
I am able to feel compassion for another’s feelings and needs.
I acknowledge that I may own the negative traits I often perceive in others.
^People would politically be less controling of others and stop anxiously creating what they don't want
I acknowledge that I sometimes need the help of others.
^removing means testing from social services
I am aware of my painful feelings and express them appropriately.
^not starting wars or destroying society
I am able to express my feelings openly, directly, and calmly.
I pursue intimate relationships only with others who want, and are able to engage in, healthy and loving relationships.
THIS IS WHERE I LEFT OFF
I trust my ability to make effective decisions.
I accept myself as I am. I emphasize progress over perfection.
I feel appropriately worthy of the recognition, praise, or gifts I receive.
I value the opinions of those I trust, without needing to gain their approval. I have confidence in myself.
I recognize myself as being a lovable and valuable person.
I seek my own approval first, and examine my motivations carefully when I seek approval from others.
I continue to take my personal inventory, and when I am wrong, promptly admit it.
I am honest with myself about my behaviors and motivations. I feel secure enough to admit mistakes to myself and others, and to hear their opinions without feeling threatened.
I meet my own needs and wants when possible. I reach out for help when it’s necessary and appropriate.
I perceive myself as equal to others.
With the help of my Higher Power, I create safety in my life.
I avoid procrastination by meeting my responsibilities in a timely manner.
I am able to establish and uphold healthy priorities and boundaries in my life.
I am committed to my safety and leave situations that feel unsafe or are inconsistent with my goals.
I am rooted in my own values, even if others don’t agree or become angry.
I consider my interests and feelings when asked to participate in another’s plans.
I can separate my feelings from the feelings of others. I allow myself to experience my feelings and others to be responsible for their feelings.
I respect my own opinions and feelings and express them appropriately.
My sexuality is grounded in genuine intimacy and connection. When I need to feel loved, I express my heart’s desires. I do not settle for sex without love.
I ask my Higher Power for guidance, and consider possible consequences before I make decisions.
I stand in my truth and maintain my integrity, whether others approve or not, even if it means making difficult changes in my life.
I realize that, with rare exceptions, other adults are capable of managing their own lives.
^Not trying to manage the lives of people in poverty, with disabilities, and who are transgender
I accept the thoughts, choices, and feelings of others, even though I may not be comfortable with them.
I give advice only when asked.
I am content to see others take care of themselves.
I carefully and honestly contemplate my motivations when preparing to give a gift.
I embrace and celebrate my sexuality as evidence of my health and wholeness. I do not use it to gain the approval of others.
I develop relationships with others based on equality, intimacy, and balance.
I find and use resources that meet my needs without making demands on others. I ask for help when I need it, without expectation.
I behave authentically with others, allowing my caring and compassionate qualities to emerge.
I ask directly for what I want and need and trust the outcome to my Higher Power. I do not try to manipulate outcomes with blame or shame.
I cooperate, compromise, and negotiate with others in a way that honors my integrity.
I treat others with respect and consideration, and trust my Higher Power to meet my needs and desires.
I use my recovery for my own growth and not to manipulate or control others.
My communication with others is authentic and truthful.
I act in ways that encourage loving and healthy responses from others.
I keep an open mind and accept others as they are.
I engage in emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy when it is healthy and appropriate for me.
I practice my recovery to develop healthy and fulfilling relationships.
I use direct and straightforward communication to resolve conflicts and deal appropriately with confrontations.
When I use the tools of recovery, I am able to develop and maintain healthy relationships of my choosing.
I embrace my own vulnerability by trusting and honoring my feelings and needs.
I welcome close relationships while maintaining healthy boundaries.
I believe in and trust a power greater than myself. I willingly surrender my self-will to my Higher Power.
I honor my authentic emotions and share them when appropriate.
I freely engage in expressions of appreciation toward others.
A lot of these feel worded badly. This is ChatGPT’s work.
"Control: This refers to the narcissist's need to control the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of their victim. They may do this through manipulation, coercion, threats, or other means of exerting power over their victim.
Denial: This is when the narcissist refuses to acknowledge the reality of their abusive behavior, and may even go so far as to deny that the abuse ever happened at all.
Gaslighting: This is a form of emotional manipulation in which the narcissist distorts the victim's perception of reality, often by denying the victim's experiences or feelings, or by using other tactics to make the victim doubt their own memory or sanity.
Minimization: This is when the narcissist downplays the severity or impact of their abusive behavior, as well as the severity or impact of anything, often by dismissing the victim's feelings or suggesting that the victim is overreacting.
Blameshifting: This is when the narcissist deflects responsibility for their abusive behavior onto their victim or others, often by blaming the victim for "provoking" the abuse or by using other tactics to avoid taking responsibility.
Shame dumping: This is when the narcissist uses shame as a tool of control, often by criticizing or belittling the victim in front of others, or by making the victim feel ashamed of themselves.
Reputation: Narcissists often place a great deal of importance on their reputation and may go to great lengths to protect it, even if it means lying or manipulating others.
Perfectionism: Narcissists often have very high standards for themselves and may expect the same level of perfection from their victim. They may also use this as a way to control and manipulate their victim, by criticizing them for not living up to these standards.
Entitlement: Narcissists often feel entitled to special treatment, attention, and admiration. They may believe that they are better than others and deserve to have their needs met before anyone else's.
Charisma: Narcissists often have a magnetic, charming personality that can be very appealing and attractive to others. This charisma is often used to manipulate and control their victims.
Grandiosity: This is an exaggerated sense of self-importance that narcissists often have. They may believe that they are superior to others and deserve special treatment or recognition.
Righteousness: Narcissists may have a strong sense of moral superiority and believe that their actions are always justified, even if they are hurtful or abusive to others.
Love-bombing: This is a tactic used by narcissists to quickly and intensely shower their victim with affection, attention, and compliments in order to create an emotional bond and gain control over the victim.
Scapegoating: Narcissists often blame their problems and shortcomings on others, especially their victims. They may use the victim as a scapegoat for their own failures or mistakes.
Future-faking: This is a tactic used by narcissists to make promises or plans for the future with their victim, but with no intention of following through. It is often used to keep the victim hooked and hopeful for a better future.
Mirroring: Narcissists may mirror their victim's behaviors and interests in order to create a false sense of connection and trust. They may also mirror the victim's emotions to gain control over their feelings.
Baiting: This is a tactic used by narcissists to provoke a reaction or response from their victim. They may say or do something intentionally hurtful or provocative to elicit a negative response from the victim, which they can then use to further manipulate and control them.
Flying Monkeys: These are people who are recruited by the narcissist to do their bidding and help them in their abusive behavior. They may be friends, family members, or acquaintances who the narcissist has convinced to take their side and help them in their abuse of the victim.
Trauma Bonding: This is a psychological phenomenon in which the victim becomes attached to the abuser as a result of the abuse they have experienced. It is often characterized by a complex mix of fear, love, and dependency, and can be difficult to break.
Breadcrumbing: This is a tactic used by narcissists to keep their victim hooked and engaged in the relationship, even if they have no intention of committing to it. They may give the victim small "breadcrumbs" of affection or attention to keep them interested, but never enough to satisfy their needs or desires.
Devaluing & Discarding: This is a pattern of behavior in which the narcissist first idealizes their victim and makes them feel special and important, but then gradually devalues and dismisses them. Eventually, the narcissist may discard the victim altogether, often without warning or explanation.
Triangulation: This is a tactic used by narcissists to create conflict and competition between their victim and another person, often by playing them off against each other or using one to undermine the other. This can be a way for the narcissist to feel more powerful and in control.
Narcissistic Ghosting: This is a form of discard in which the narcissist abruptly and completely cuts off all contact with their victim, often without any explanation or closure. This can be extremely traumatizing for the victim, who may be left feeling confused, abandoned, and powerless.
Enabling: This is a behavior in which a person allows or facilitates the narcissistic behavior of another person, often to their own detriment. Enablers may minimize or excuse the narcissist's behavior, or even participate in it themselves.
Narcissistic Injury: This refers to a perceived or actual threat to the narcissist's sense of self-importance or self-worth. It can be triggered by criticism, rejection, or any other perceived attack on their ego.
Coercive Control: This is a pattern of behavior in which the narcissist uses a range of tactics to maintain power and control over their victim, often through the use of fear, intimidation, and manipulation.
No Contact: This is a strategy used by victims of narcissistic abuse to completely cut off all contact with the narcissist, in order to protect themselves from further harm. It can be a difficult but necessary step in the healing process.
Projection: This is a defense mechanism in which the narcissist attributes their own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors onto their victim. They may accuse the victim of doing things that they themselves are actually doing, in order to deflect attention away from their own behavior.
Narcissistic Rage: This is an intense and often explosive outburst of anger or aggression from the narcissist, often triggered by a perceived threat to their ego or sense of self-importance. It can be extremely frightening and harmful to their victim.
Grey Rock: This is a strategy used by victims of narcissistic abuse to become as uninteresting and unresponsive as possible, in order to avoid triggering the narcissist's rage or manipulation.
Boundaries: This refers to a set of personal limits and guidelines that a person establishes in order to protect themselves and maintain their own well-being. Establishing and enforcing boundaries is an important part of healing from narcissistic abuse.
Codependency: This is a pattern of behavior in which a person becomes overly dependent on a relationship, often to the point of sacrificing their own needs and desires for the other person. It can be a common trait in victims of narcissistic abuse.
Manipulation: This is a tactic used by the narcissist to influence or control their victim, often through deception or coercion. It can take many forms, such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or using fear and intimidation.
Word Salad: This is a technique used by the narcissist to confuse and disorient their victim, often by using nonsensical or unrelated language. It can be a form of gaslighting, and can make the victim doubt their own sense of reality.
Stonewalling: This is a tactic used by the narcissist to shut down communication and avoid accountability, often by refusing to engage in conversation or withdrawing emotionally. It can be a form of emotional abuse, and can be very frustrating for the victim.
Intimacy Avoidance: This is a behavior in which the narcissist avoids or undermines intimacy with their partner, often as a way to maintain control or avoid vulnerability. It can make the victim feel unloved or unwanted.
Estrangement: This is a form of distance or separation between family members or close relationships, often caused by conflict or abuse. It can be a way for the victim to protect themselves from further harm, but can also be painful and difficult to navigate.
Mind Reading: This is a behavior in which the narcissist assumes that they know what their victim is thinking or feeling, often without any evidence or basis in reality. It can be a way for the narcissist to project their own thoughts and feelings onto their victim, and can make the victim feel misunderstood or invalidated.
Gift Giving: This is a tactic used by the narcissist to manipulate or control their victim, often by using gifts or favors as a way to guilt or influence them. It can be a form of love-bombing or breadcrumbing, and can make the victim feel obligated to the narcissist.
Invalidation: This is a behavior in which the narcissist dismisses, belittles, or undermines the feelings, experiences, or opinions of their victim. It can be a form of emotional abuse, and can make the victim feel unseen, unheard, or unimportant.
Passive Aggressive: This is a behavior in which the narcissist indirectly expresses their anger, frustration, or hostility, often through subtle or covert means. It can be a way for the narcissist to avoid accountability, and can be very frustrating for the victim.
Cognitive Dissonance: This is a psychological phenomenon in which a person holds two conflicting beliefs or values at the same time, often causing discomfort or confusion. It can be a common experience for victims of narcissistic abuse, who may struggle to reconcile their feelings of love or loyalty towards the narcissist with the abuse they are experiencing.
Narcissistic Amnesia: This is a behavior in which the narcissist conveniently "forgets" or denies their past behavior or actions, often in order to avoid accountability or responsibility. It can be a form of gaslighting, and can make the victim doubt their own sense of reality.
Soul Distancing: This is a behavior in which the narcissist withdraws or disconnects emotionally from their victim, often as a way to maintain control or avoid vulnerability. It can make the victim feel isolated or abandoned.
Fire Walling: This is a behavior in which the narcissist sets up barriers or boundaries to avoid emotional or psychological intimacy with their victim, often as a way to maintain control or avoid vulnerability. It can be a form of emotional abuse, and can make the victim feel unloved or unwanted."
End Chat GPT's quote.
A book to read: “Why does he do that” Lundy Bancroft, domestic violence book.
**Write now, edit later. Never worry about making it too long or over sharing. You can decide on all that later**
****DERIVATIVE!! DON’T STEAL****
Pull from:
- Capitalist Realism
- Fredrick Douglass’s book
- Black Boy book
-philosophytube
-ask researchers to access their papers
-Your personal story
-The stories of others
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
-Dayna Craig?
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.(saying bad things don't matter)
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
Denial
Gaslighting
Minimization
Blameshifting
Shame dumping
-Reputation
-Perfectionism
-Entitlement
-Charisma
Ways I could try organizing it:
-Things narcs care about. Ex. (Things that could be removed so narcs aren't attracted)
-Things narcs can't do. Ex. (How to not be a narc)
-Behaviors
An alternative to capitalism and communism
Good health. No abuse.
No labels.
Reality Model
vvThis is an old draft
Manifesto-
What is good needs to be reinforced- for example, when you assume that everyone believes that people deserve to live, and so you say nothing, that is when people will begin to kill. The work is never over.
This is what I stand for:
***Healthy boundaries***
Basically, the most important thing to consider is consent.
Questions to ask yourself when going over something, like capitalist realism.
-What boundary is this violating? emotional, time, intellectual, spiritual, property, physical, sexual?
Questions I have:
-How do you balance consent with responsibility? (taking out the trash)
-How do you balance consent with reality? (rigid boundaries/nature/apocalypse)
So the book describes this in an interesting way: for the following three descriptions, it’s good to have a little of all of these- moderation.
Rigid- nothing gets through ever
Permeable/porous -you don’t hold your ground
Flexible- boundaries that allow protection AND growth
External: (general rule, consent)
Emotional boundaries:
-mindfulness
-respectfulness
Time boundaries:
Intellectual boundaries:
Physical boundaries:
Spiritual boundaries:
Property boundaries:
Sexual boundaries:
-consent
Miscellaneous:
External:
Emotional boundaries:
-asking for justification when it has no impact
-making assumptions
-making demands instead of requests
Time boundaries:
Intellectual boundaries:
Physical boundaries:
Spiritual boundaries:
Property boundaries:
Stealing
Sexual boundaries:
Sexual assault
Miscellaneous:
Indulging at the expense or harm of others
Forcing adults to live by someone else’s moral or ethical standards
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Examples to provide: (story format?)
Individual
Family
Workplace
Systemic
Cultural
Economic
Narcissism:
-the words don’t match the actions
Narcissism words to define:
**Add reputation**
Notes:
-A lot of what I wrote about does not have to do with hoovering. In the future, I can write miscellaneous notes about narcissism in a separate category.
-Right now I am just trying to understand definitions and personal examples. I will find better examples later. (In Capitalist Realism, in Fredrick Douglass’s book, the news, etc.)
Hoovering
Hoovering is the high that comes after the low.
*many of the notes below are not about hoovering.*
(the term comes from some vacuum function)
Tactics:
Gift giving, love bombing, new realizations, fake apologies, false promises, they might remember important dates, etc.
“A narcissist might fake injury, vulnerability, depression, helplessness, false medical conditions, suicide threats,
A narcissistic person tries to suck you back into a relationship.
Using:
charm, charisma, confidence.
“Things are so hard for me”
Hoovering makes the victim/survivor believe that they have changed, and your words got through to them.
Anytime the government has apologized for something
You kept telling them the things you need, what they are doing wrong, and they didn’t change- that’s why you left.
You saw they wouldn't change, and then they started saying what you wanted to hear.
“You were right. I didn’t treat you well”
When politicians talk about equity, state facts about racism and transphobia
You forget what they did wrong, and that’s when they start hoovering.
They know what to say because you told them.
Things feel great, (the ex. given like when you are first dating) but the red flags come up.
Then the same patterns of invalidation start.
Love bombing is a form of hoovering
Guilt hoovering- “things have been so difficult since you left, I can’t find anyone like you”
Guilt hoovering really messes with rescuers, empaths, etc.
Hoovering is more intense when they find out you were dating someone else.
communism?
Hoovering works because of:
Hope- the hope that it will get better.
Denial of what’s really going on
Obligation or responsibility towards them
Fear keeps people in narcissistic relationships- they are afraid of being alone, they are afraid of the unfamiliar, they are afraid of trying to make it on their own.
Family hoovering is really difficult, because there is grief over not having a healthy family system.
After they suck you back in, they go back to their old patterns.
Narcissists hoover because they don’t like rejection, and they want to feel like they ‘won’. They don’t like how they can no longer control you.
Hoovering is an addictive cycle.
Narcissists have an addiction to conflict in relationships.
They don’t do well in stable relationships.
Hoovering is the high that comes after the low.
In the workplace- they don’t value you. The other people make more, they have better responsibilities. They may need you, but they will never say so.
Narcissistic bosses have a difficult time with people working remotely, because they can’t control people.
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